Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
