Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
