omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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