I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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