I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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