when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
