I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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