I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize