We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize