don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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