i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
