i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
