I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize