Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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