So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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