just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
