If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
