The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
