i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
