I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
