dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
