He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
