Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
