On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
