just come out here and I will go home with you...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
