Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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