so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
