you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
