he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
