you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
