Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
