Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
