And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
