He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
