first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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