OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize