I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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