At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
