my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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