But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
