remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
