Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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