I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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