why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
