he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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