Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
