no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
