If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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