I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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