I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
