I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
