whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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