My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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