I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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