so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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