I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
