The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
