my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize