Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
