i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
