We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
