are you still at the devil's house?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
