drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
