Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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