K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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