She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
