Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
