Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
