just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
