so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
