Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
