Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I touched a dick in church today
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
